Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
