and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
