why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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