thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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