your room smells of hookers.
And success
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
