i think i have two assholes
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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