Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
