Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
