as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
