The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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