i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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