fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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