I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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