A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
