I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You took a bar mat shot.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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