i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
