well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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