You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
