JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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