If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
