am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
