You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
