Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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