you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
