she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize