He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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