you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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