So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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