my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
