A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
