I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
