This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
