I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
