11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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