Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
