Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
