you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize