No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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