Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
