he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
