I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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