I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
