Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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