and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
