The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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