At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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