I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
