I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
