the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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