The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
