he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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