Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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