Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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