her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
