I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
