I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize