Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
