OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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