Where are you?
In a non slutty way
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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