shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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