Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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